The Game Face

I am SO damned sick of fighting this disorder.

My medication dosage is not high enough to handle my symptoms, but if I go higher, I impact my ability to function at work. And I'm absolutely terrified of losing my income source, or of having it cut significantly.

Because of some personal stuff I went from hypomanic to depressed in a day. I know that can happen to anyone, but I can't concentrate on work, and will probably end up going home early. That's the kind of shit I (and maybe many of us) face: Under-medicated I'm not stable enough to be effective in my job, but more medication and I'm not mentally sharp enough to be effective in my job.

I know everyone has their cross to bear, but damn - I'm so frustrated right now, I'm not sure if I want to scream or cry. I'll do neither, of course, I'll suck it up, shove it back in my head, and do what needs to be done. I'm glad to have this outlet, the only person I can share this with is my wife, and she's over-burdened already.

Time to put the game face on and jump back into the mainstream.

Checking In

Thanks to those who sent emails recently. I'm OK, just haven’t been able to post or respond to comments, mainly due to stresses at work and home. Something about stress bottles up my motivation and creativity.

By necessity most of my time and efforts lately have been going to BipolarConnect. When you only have so much time, creativity, and energy, the deadlines there take priority. I have had a couple more posts published on HealthCentral’s BipolarConnect site. You can see them here and here. The last link will accept comments, if you get a chance jump on over and leave a comment. That helps me, and my boss at HealthCentral, a lot.

I hope everyone is doing well, and I’ll post back when I have enough motivation to move after work. In the meantime, if anyone is in crisis out there, somebody drop me an email and tell me who, so I can at least tell them I'm thinking of them.