The Runner is Back

I've been under the weather recently, and fighting a depression since Kyle was released from the hospital. It sunk in that no matter how hard we try, we can't protect him forever. Fortunately, he came away from this experience far better prepared for life than I've ever seen him. I'm very proud of how he's responded to the crisis he faced.

The day after he was released he laced up his running shoes for the first time in years and ran 12 miles. He ran 2 full marathons when he was still in high school winning his age group in one of them. It is great to see him running again. Last night Kyle, my 12 year old daughter, and myself all ran 3 miles. Even though I'm fighting a sinus infection it felt great to run with my kids. The most enjoyable thing I've done in months.

It's good to have him home.

Workout Music

This is an interactive post, so everyone get ready to jump in with a comment here.

I want great workout music. Songs that get you moving, that raise your heartrate, that will move you to run or bike that extra mile. And not just for workouts, music that will motivate us to cut grass, clean the house, keep us awake at work, and so forth. I want a variety of music, across all genres.

So lay a few of your favorites on me. Let's put together a playlist of workout music we can all draw on.

Update:
Here's my current workout playlist, it leans heavily to Americana. I need more variety:

Shame, Shame, Shame	Aerosmith
Stop Messin Around	Aerosmith
Dollar In My Pocket	Big House
Whatever Happened To My ...	Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
Green Onions	Buchanan, Roy
Supernova	Buchanan, Roy
100 Flower Power Maximum	Cracker
Get Off This	Cracker
I Ride My Bike	Cracker
Let's Go For A Ride	Cracker
Movie Star	Cracker
Highway Star	Deep Purple
LA Woman	Doors
Killing Floor	Electric Flag
Soul Searchin'	Electric Flag
Castanets	Escovedo, Alejandro
Would I Lie To You	Eurythmics
Gangsta Trippin	Fatboy Slim
The Rockafeller Skank	Fatboy Slim
Weapon of Choice	Fatboy Slim
Pay the Alligator	Flatlanders
Track 8	Ford, Robben
East to the West	Franti, Michael & Spearhead
Hello Bonjour	Franti, Michael & Spearhead
Yell Fire	Franti, Michael & Spearhead
Feel Good Inc.	Gorillaz
Midnight Train	Guy, Buddy
Please Don't Drive Me Away	Guy, Buddy
Circle Back	Hiatt, John
Everybody Went Low	Hiatt, John
How Bad's The Coffee?	Hiatt, John
Rock Back Billy	Hiatt, John
Slow Turning	Hiatt, John
Something Wild	Hiatt, John
Tennessee Plates	Hiatt, John
Uncommon Connection	Hiatt, John
Mony Mony	Idol, Billy
Rebel Yell	Idol, Billy
Begin To Wonder	Indigenous
Blues This Morning	Indigenous
Movin' On	Indigenous
Shame Shame Shame	Indigenous
You Turn My World Around	Indigenous
Are You Gonna Be My Girl	Jet
Take It Or Leave It	Jet
Bawitdaba	Kid Rock
Devil Without A Cause	Kid Rock
Forever (Album Version)	Kid Rock
Fuck Off	Kid Rock
I'm A Dog	Kid Rock
Somebody's Gotta Feel This	Kid Rock
Hell At Home	Landreth, Sonny
The Road We're On	Landreth, Sonny
Feel Like I Do	Lindell, Eric
Lazy Days	Lindell, Eric
Battle Flags	Lo Fidelity All Stars
Don't Worry Baby	Los Lobos
Senorita	Los Lonely Boys
Too Much Stuff (With Delbert McClinton & John Prine)	Lovett, Lyle
Get Your Business Straight	Magic Slim & The Teardrops
I'm A Bluesman	Magic Slim & The Teardrops
Safe From Harm	Massive Attack
Choctaw Bingo	McMurtry, James
God Is A Real Estate Developer	Michelle Shocked
Bleeding Heart Show	New Pornographers
Sing Me Spanish Techno	New Pornographers
Star Bodies	New Pornographers
Twin Cinemas	New Pornographers
Shake 'Em on Down	North Mississippi Allstars
Can't Stop	Ozomatli
Saturday Night	Ozomatli
Crackity Jones	Pixies
Tame	Pixies
Good Times (3 Stroke)	Randolph, Robert & The Family Band
I Need More Love	Randolph, Robert & The Family Band
Squeeze	Randolph, Robert & The Family Band
I'll Fly Away	Randolph, Robert, North Mississippi Allstars, John Medeski
Preacher's Daughter	Refreshments
The Girl Can't Help It	Refreshments
She'll Be So Fine	Roomful Of Blues
Filthy/Gorgeous	Scissor Sisters
Music Is The Victim	Scissor Sisters
Get out of Denver	Seger, Bob
Crosstown Traffic (Feat. Robert Randolph)	Soulive
Liquored Up And Lacquered	Southern Culture on the Skids
The Great Atomic Power	Southern Culture on the Skids
All The Time In The World	Subdudes
Late At Night	Subdudes
My Kickass Life	SuperSuckers
The Evil Powers of Rock & Roll	Supersuckers
Gin in the Morning	Thackery, Jimmy
Detroit Iron	Thackery, Jimmy & The Drivers
I'll Believe In You (Or I'll Be Leaving You Tonight)	Tragically Hip
The Wherewithal	Tragically Hip
Look at Little Sister	Vaughan, Stevie Ray
Pride And joy	Vaughan, Stevie Ray
Scuttle Buttin'	Vaughan, Stevie Ray
The House Is Rockin'	Vaughan, Stevie Ray
Baby Please Don't Go	Wilder, Webb
Tough It Out	Wilder, Webb
Divin' Duck Blues	Winter, Johnny
Hustled Down in Texas	Winter, Johnny
Rock Me Baby	Winter, Johnny
Rollin' and Tumblin'	Winter, Johnny
See See Baby	Winter, Johnny
The Crawl	Winter, Johnny
I Wish	Wonder, Stevie
Me And My Bass Guitar	Wooten, Victor
Disorder in the House	Zevon, Warren
Long Time Coming	Zutons

Friday Shorts

Mom, Interrupted at Mercurial Mind Bipolar Blog talks about forecasting a mood swing by our voice and tone. She hit the nail on the head, based on this a change is coming for me. My wife mentioned it to me last night, I’ve been mouthy and sarcastic. Stay tuned, let’s see where this leads…

On a related note, I’ve left some biting and sarcastic comments on some of your blogs. They are not meant to be critical to the blogger who made the post, sorry if they sound that way.

We bought a new bike for my wife the other day. A very nice fitness/hybrid bike by Gary Fisher/Trek. She’s excited to ride, and it looks like she’ll be able to keep up with us now. For anyone who likes to bike, the difference between a Wal-Mart bike and a bike shop bike is HUGE.

Does anyone know if it’s possible to dynamically order a blogroll by clicks or popularity? Now that I ask this, I hear txandi saying "blog tweaks: as addictive as crystal meth."

I was listening to NPR the other day, actually, I listen to NPR every day, but the other day I heard an interview with a guy that wrote a book about understanding philosophy through jokes. It was one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard. Things like:
"3 ladies were sitting on a park bench. The first lady says "oy!" The second lady says "oy!" The third lady says "enough about the children already."
Or:
"The invisible man walks into a doctor’s office without an appointment. The nurse says ‘The doctor can’t see you now’"
I’ll let you know if the book is as good as I think it will be.

Everyone have a great weekend!

Friday Shorts

On the LivingBipolar site, I don’t see enough benefit – yet. I’d like to increase the benefit without duplicating the ideas of sites like HealthCentral’s BipolarConnect, which might be a conflict of interest given my relationship with Bipolar Connect. One of my primary purposes in building the site, besides an outlet for my hypomania, is to increase traffic to all of our blogs. The thinking being if we could bring in people who might not take the time to seek out our individual blogs, "click-throughs" to our blogs would result.
Here’s thoughts of a rough "to do" list at this time:

A mirror site where the name does not include "bipolar" so our browser history does not show "bipolar". This might be good for work or public computers.
A bipolar wiki of some sort.
An open group blog where anyone can post.
Displaying blog comments from within the site (but you’d have to click-through to make a comment)
A message board or chat room.

I’m always open to ideas or suggestions.

My hypomania is hanging tough. The frantic nervousness that gives me nervous tics and unbearable racing thoughts has mostly passed. But I’m still too energetic, too irritable, and too willing to spend money I don’t have. And I tend to irritate people when I get this way, as recent comments to several blogs may illustrate. Try to remember it’s not really me, at least I hope hypomanic me is not the true me.

I’m living a bachelor life for a few days this week. My wife takes girl scouts camping this weekend, then accompanies my sixth grader on a field trip to New York. It’s time to party! Not really, but it sounded good…

For those who are trying to get into shape, here’s an interesting article:
A Healthy Mix Of Rest and Motion. I started doing this today, and it kicked my tail, in a good workout kind of way. I’m going to do it once a week from here on out.

That’s for this week’s Friday Shorts. I really have to start blogging more than once or twice a week again. But when I’m "healthy" as I feel now, I find other things to do. Not that I want to abandon my good friends, and I hope it doesn’t seem like that.

Friday Shorts

My current hypomania has hit critical mass. I’m getting in great, intense, workouts, but I can’t sleep unmedicated. I’m hoping things are on the downward slide just a bit. I just hope it doesn’t go too far or too fast.

I am continuing to work on the LivingBipolar page. I love working on stuff like that, if feeds so many needs in me. Creativity, technical thinking, research, and so forth. I’ve expanded it to include news feeds and resources. I’ll be adding a link library next. Is there anything else that would make it more useful?

Kyle will be moving back in with us. I’ve just written a column about this at BipolarConnect, but it will take a week or so for them to print it. You can subscribe to my posts if you take a moment and create an account. It will be great to have him home, but I’m nervous about it. We’ve butted heads terribly in the past.

All my life I just assumed I’d never hit 65 years, thinking with my lifestyle I’d heart attack early. Now I have every intention of being active into my eighties. A book that I’d almost call life-changing is called "Younger Next Year" by Chris Crowley and Henry S. Lodge. There is a men’s and women’s version of the book. If you need motivation to get your exercise and fitness regime going, this is the book. My workouts are working, I’ve lost 20 pounds, gained size and strength, and ran 4 miles Wednesday morning. Those of us in the bipolar disorder community have to be SO careful. Our meds, while necessary for our ability to live semi-normal lives, can also exact a price. This helps counteract that price.

Did anyone watch "The Office" last night? Could there be a funnier show? A disgruntled employee sabotaged an entire shipment of paper by putting on a watermark of 2 cartoon characters in an obscene act. This paper shipped to businesses, schools, and other organizations. One of the funniest episodes ever.

I hope everyone had a great week, and will have an even better weekend!

Friday Shorts

Kyle is my 22 year old son who also suffers from bipolar disorder. Since we paid him for cleaning our carpets over a week ago, he’s been gone. How his girlfriend puts up with it is beyond me. But we just heard rumors that one of his good “friends” had someone OD in his apartment, and is facing criminal charges over that death. We were worried that Kyle was there when it happened, but luckily, it sounds like he wasn’t. He has an appointment to make his application for General Assistance on Tuesday, hopefully we’ll be able to track him down by then.

While I know this is of no interest to anyone else, I’m excited about it so I’m going to brag. After 25 years without a serious workout regime I started working out 3 months ago. This morning I ran 3 miles! Even in the peak of my fitness, my teens, I wasn’t able to run 3 miles. I was pretty fast back then, but wasn’t a distance runner. I love to run, and I’m really fired up about this. I can’t run often, the pounding on my knees is painful, and is physically hard on someone my age. Given this I only run once a week or two, and use an elliptical trainer or bike machine most days. My goal is to run a 5 K race this spring, and it looks like I’ll make it. Also, I broke 195 on my weight! As of this morning, I was at 194.5. The weight is coming off very slowly, less than a pound a week, but it is coming off. Target weight: 185. Dream weight: 175. My weight in college: 165.

My frame of mind isn’t a lot better. I’m not really manic any more, more of a mixed episode. I’m slipping between depression and hypomania right now. At least I’m more or less free of the mania I had recently. That was awful.

The work situation is difficult, and that is contributing to my marginal frame of mind. Last summer I left a salaried job I enjoyed to move to a competitor through a consulting company. I was to be a consultant for 3 months, then if my performance was good I’d be hired on permanently. My performance was good, but right after I started the competitor announced a merger. All hiring, of course, was frozen. After the initial 3 months it’s been a series of month to month extensions. Finally they told me they’d like a 6 month contract then evaluate the situation at that time. Well, I don’t like this at all. I have to admit, as a contractor I’m making more money than I’ve ever made. BUT: My expenses are much higher. My family is not covered by insurance, and I’ve already paid several thousand dollars out of pocket for medical emergencies. I have to tell the family we can’t take a vacation this summer because the consulting company doesn’t offer vacation time. Because of medical bills I can’t make several necessary household repairs that must be done. Damn, I hate money problems, and I hate instability.

My girls have been begging for a pet. They’re in the unfortunate position of being the 4th and 5th of our kids. We’ve done the pet thing, many times in the past, many different critters, and have no desire to do it again. My youngest daughter has been writing stories about little girls and pets, not to get us to buy one, but because that’s what was in her heart. Well, through their persistence and downright cuteness, they won out. We now have a black and white bunny named "Lilly". It’s hardly left the arms of the girls since then.

Well, enough for now. I’m going to try to make it around to everyone’s blogs this weekend, hopefully my frame of mind will allow it.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Friday Shorts

Not much to say today. Physically and mentally I feel great – as good as I have for years. But emotionally I’m a little shell-shocked. So pardon me if I don’t make it around to read and comment all your blogs for a day or 2, I’m worried about triggering something I’d rather not live with.

I haven’t heard from Kyle for over a week, but I’m not particularly worried. We’d hear if he was in trouble, and I think he’s feeling self-conscious about not working. This is too bad, because I REALLY enjoy his company, working or not.

It’s boring for everyone when I keep talking about working out, but I can’t say enough about the HUGE benefit it’s bringing to my mental health and frame of mind. I knew there would be a difference, but I never imagined it would be this significant.

Michael Vick, the Atlanta Falcons quarterback, was recently arrested for trying to smuggle marijuana through airport security. Here is an SNL video that is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time. Don’t worry, you don’t have to be a football fan to appreciate it:
SNL Michael Vick clip.

I have a new post up on my Bipolar Connect blog. It’s one of those "you know you have bipolar disorder if…" type of things. It’s all original, I didn’t steal it off the internet, knowingly anyway. If you like it, leave a comment.

I’m a HUGE NPR fan, and Juan Williams from NPR did an excellent interview with President Bush. Whenever Bush opens his mouth you want to cringe, but take a look at this paragraph:

The Iranian people have got to know that this government and the United States bears no hostility to them. We're just deeply concerned about a government that is insisting upon having a nuclear weapon, and at the same time, rewriting history – the history of the past, and regards, for example, the Holocaust. It troubles a lot of people in this world, and I'll continue to work with, you know, friends and allies to send a clear message.

It’s just so typical, you can understand what he’s trying to convey, but he’s just not making it happen. How about this "Bushism" from above: "…rewriting history – the history of the past…"
Find the complete transcript of the interview here.

Did anyone catch the Law and Order episode from a while back? It dealt, none too sympathetically, with bipolar disorder. They talked about someone overdosing on "Depaquel".
Update: Due to all those landing on this post by Googling "Depaquel", it should be pointed out that Depaquel is a TV invention. Thus, my tongue-in-cheek reference. The name most likely comes from a contraction of the words Seroquel and Depakote, both legitimate medications used to treat bipolar disorder.

Well, for having little to write about, I managed to stretch this out. Everyone have a GREAT weekend!

Friday Shorts

Friday Shorts:

I’ve been asked several times if I have a business relationship with the new Revolution Health site that just launched. I know I plugged them pretty good, but that is because of the social aspect. I DO NOT have any kind of business relationship with Revolution Health. I DO have a business relationship with BipolarConnect, part of the Health Central Network, and my “blog” can be found here. They’re good folks over at HealthCentral, and they have a very informative site. If you get over there, make sure and leave a comment!

From The Best of Craig’s List - half a box of condoms - w4m

It is a beautiful sunny Sunday, and my relationship status is such that I am cleaning out my sock drawer. I get to the bottom, and discover 5 blue, foil squares. Ah...old friends, I remember you well. The optimism of buying a box of 12. The butterflies in the stomach on the night of your unveiling. And now you sit abandoned. And, it turns out, soon to expire. I'm a frugal sort. I hate wasting anything. So now I've got a timeline for final deployment: Nov 2006. I'm very task oriented--I love working against a deadline.

On the family front:
My wife is kicking my tail in cardio workouts. From not being able to keep up with me on summer walks and bike rides, she now climbs on a treadmill and runs for 30 minutes. I can’t come CLOSE to that. I can do 5 minutes of running and have to walk for a while. In a 30 minute cardio workout I can run for a total of about 15 minutes, and brisk walk the rest. But on the weight training, I’m making GREAT progress. I see improvement weekly.

My oldest is still job hunting for a writing position. He’s freelance writing, and publishing articles. That steady paycheck is still eluding him, though. He’ll find a permanent position soon, he’s very talented.

Kyle let his job go. He can hold a job for a few months, then a mania sets in and he has to walk away. I feel so sorry for him, his self esteem takes such a hit when that happens. We try to tell him it’s part of his bipolar disorder, but he still feels like a failure. I’d really like him to agree to seek help, we have a place in town that has a day program and can get him the treatment he needs. Once he gets on the right med regime, the stability will settle in and he’ll be able to work again.

The other kids are fine, 19 year old is doing well in school, 11 year old did well in a recent city-wide spelling bee, and the youngest is healing perfectly from her broken arm. Speaking of spelling bees, see the movie Akeelah And The Bee with your kids if you have kids at home, or by yourself if you just want a great feel-good movie.

That’s all I’ve got for now. Everyone have a GREAT weekend!

In Misery

I'm going to self-indulgently complain a little.

I wrote earlier that my wife and I have been working out daily for the last several weeks. It has been fantastic. My wife suffers occasionally from depression, and she says it has totally gone since we started working out. I have felt great also.

Saturday I was jogging on a treadmill, and had my iPod drop onto the treadmill. It shot out the back, of course. This flustered me, and I tried to jump off, but forgot to turn off the treadmill. I lost my balance and fell with all my weight onto the end of the handle pole, which caught me just under my ribs. I took a few minutes to catch my breath, and finished my workout. But I knew what was coming, as I had injured my ribs in the past.

If you've never done it, you have no idea. The pain is incredible. Luckily, it's only when you move, so I can work more-or-less pain free. But sleeping is hell, due to the way it distributes the weight. I have to take a sleeping pill and find a pain free position and not move until it kicks in. When I get up in the morning, it's the worst.

But tomorrow I'm going to try to work out again, at least I may be able to walk, and maybe I can find some weight machines that don't strain this area. Although I'm told it will be 6 seeks or so before I'm pain free.

Friday Shorts

Friday shorts:

I don’t know about you all, but it has NOT felt like a short week.

This site really looks like garbage in Internet Explorer. It looks MUCH better in Firefox. I may have to undertake a redesign. Might as well upgrade to the new blogger and do it then.

The wife and I work out every morning – getting up at 5:00 AM every day to put an hour or more in at the health club. It’s been 3 weeks, and I’m disappointed that I’ve actually put weight ON, rather than taken it off. And my weight training is going backwards – I’m actually able to lift less every day. Because of this, we cut our weight training back to 2 days a week instead of 3 to give more recovery time. Hopefully this will be a positive mood.

Our youngest boy turned 19 yesterday, we’re taking him to dinner tonight at one of our town’s old-school Italian restaurants. Many larger towns have one, a very nice restaurant in an older part of town with reasonable prices and incredible food. But this particular restaurant is closing soon. In our general area we have casino gambling, and as much as people enjoy it, the casinos have wreaked havoc with locally owned businesses. The proponents of gambling choose to ignore this, but it’s pretty much indisputable. Very sad that one of our town’s landmark restaurants can’t survive in today’s world.

I sometimes feel much like the Alzheimer’s patient who, when asked about living with the illness says, “it certainly makes every day a new adventure!”

Finally, a very bright spot this morning. I find out that our favorite band is stopping in our area soon. The Iguanas hail from New Orleans, and are one of that town’s favorite party bands. They play a mix of Latin, Cajun, and good old roots rock. Karen and I see them every time they’re in our area, and dance our tails off. You can’t imagine a gray haired 40 something dancing his tail off? You haven’t heard The Iguanas. Their upcoming schedule is taking them to St. Paul, Madison, Berwyn, IL, Council Bluffs, IA, Preston, CT, and Winnipeg. If they’re coming anywhere close to you, see them!

Have a great weekend, all!