Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Looking For Book Reviews

Hey All - for the LivingBipolar site, I'm looking for your book reviews. I know many fellow bloggers have written book reviews in the past, and I'm interested in using those reviews. Or if someone wants to write a review, I'd love to have it. In exchange I'll post a link to your site or blog, for example:

"Reviewed by Reviewer Name."

New books, old books, good books, bad books, positive, negative, I'm interested in any reviews. Long, short, it doesn't matter, as long as it's more than a sentence or two. If we get several reviews on a particular book, more the better. I'm in the process of writing up a several I've been sitting on for a while, so I'll be adding those shortly. I'd like the books page to be a good resource for people seeking answers.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Once a doctor and star athlete, now an unstable patient

Once a doctor and star athlete, now an unstable patient

What a disturbing, yet believable, story. I can so identify with this guy, that was my exact personality when I was younger. Had I not been married with a child on the way when I got my undergrad degree I'd have continued college for a masters, then PhD, then law degree, then... People argue that even when manic, we know the difference between right and wrong. I dispute that - mania, by my definition, is a loss of touch with reality. The level of psychosis can be minor, or in this case, almost total. With this kind of psychosis, how can anyone claim that anything close to a normal thought process is in place?

My heart goes out to everyone in this horrible scenario.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Lithium Update

I have taken 8 daily doses of Lithium so far, and it's been interesting. I'm agitated and wired. Not in a pleasant way, either. If I wasn't committed to staying straight, I'd be self medicating into oblivion right now.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Cabela's Donates Winter Clothing To Omaha Homeless Shelter

Cabela's Donates Winter Clothing To Omaha Homeless Shelter - Omaha-
This warms my heart. For those who may not know, Cabelas is the large mail order outfitter specializing in outdoors clothing and gear. They are based in Nebraska, so it's logical they would support a shelter in their state. Omaha is a city of about half a million, and like most cities that size there is a significant homeless problem. Winters are cold, frequently below zero, which makes this gift even more appreciated. I have heard they also donated enough food for the Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners at this shelter. And that is HUGE, they serve hundreds of homeless at this shelter, and that figure skyrockets at Thanksgiving and Christmas.

I'm going to keep this in mind and give Cabelas as much of my Christmas budget as I can.

Saturday, November 10, 2007


I've been working on the new LivingBipolar site, and I'm considering adding a discussion forum, like a phpbb forum. I've run a forum in the past, and it's a lot of work. Rewarding, and a lot of fun, but time consuming. It takes daily effort, checking several times a day for appropriateness of posts and removal of spam.

Why am I bringing this up? If there is someone out there who has a burning desire to run and administer a forum, I'll consider adding one, and perhaps a chat room. I can't offer anything other than to increase your exposure and plug your blog or website. But if someone wants to build a community in this way, let me know.

Friday, November 09, 2007

Self Realization

First, I feel better than I have in the last few months. I am SO glad my SAD finally lifted.

I originally started this post with an apology to my blogging friends for not getting around to your blogs, not commenting, and not being a good friend. Then I stopped and realized it's who I am, that I'm not capable of being that kind of friend, and probably never will be. I can't take on other's problems when I can't handle my own. It's this way even with my wife, when she gets sick or depressed, I just can't handle it. To a lesser degree she's the same with me, when I've been in a bad way I've pushed her away in the past. She's gotten conditioned to rejection and nastiness. I'm a good-time friend, I'm a great motivator, I can make people feel welcome, I can make people feel good about themselves, I will try to remember your name and use it whenever I see you. I'm a lot of good things, but I'm not a hard-times friend. Not that I'm allowing myself to escape working on this part of my personality, but it's liberating to understand that this isn't a failure, it's the way I am.

That last paragraph didn't sound good. I want friends, I just can't be a good friend in every scenario. I read about people who get offended when their friends aren't supportive enough, or aren't there for them, or don't understand their disorder. That's asking a lot of a friend, in my opinion. I expect nothing from my friends that I can't provide. Honesty and basic integrity is all I seek in a friend. That and a decent taste in music, or let me pick the tunes when we're together...

Had a pdoc appointment yesterday, and he talked me into crossing a bridge I wasn't comfortable in crossing. After 2 years of him suggesting, I finally agreed to Lithium. He suggested 600 mg, I asked for half of that, and he agreed. He says there's a synergistic effect with Lamictal, he called it "Lamithium". I also finally admitted my role as a blogger, and writer for HealthCentral. I was worried he might think I was living my diagnosis, and to be honest I thought I might be. But after a few years I realize that's not the case, I'm living with it in the way that works for me.

I'm glad to have this outlet, whether or not I'm able to be a nurturing part of the community.

Monday, November 05, 2007

The Game Face

I am SO damned sick of fighting this disorder.

My medication dosage is not high enough to handle my symptoms, but if I go higher, I impact my ability to function at work. And I'm absolutely terrified of losing my income source, or of having it cut significantly.

Because of some personal stuff I went from hypomanic to depressed in a day. I know that can happen to anyone, but I can't concentrate on work, and will probably end up going home early. That's the kind of shit I (and maybe many of us) face: Under-medicated I'm not stable enough to be effective in my job, but more medication and I'm not mentally sharp enough to be effective in my job.

I know everyone has their cross to bear, but damn - I'm so frustrated right now, I'm not sure if I want to scream or cry. I'll do neither, of course, I'll suck it up, shove it back in my head, and do what needs to be done. I'm glad to have this outlet, the only person I can share this with is my wife, and she's over-burdened already.

Time to put the game face on and jump back into the mainstream.

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Living Bipolar SIte

From depression to hypomania in a week? Welcome to my world. I've found myself smack-dab in the middle of a hypomania, and I'm enjoying it. But with the hypomania comes obsessions and ambitious projects. I've started to resurrect the project. I started by using Wordpress, and got that semi-functional. But Wordpress isn't as robust as I wanted, so I am in the process of building it in Joomla. Joomla is a Content Management system (CMS) that is very powerful, but has a steeper learning curve. I've used Joomla and Mambo for a few years on various sites, and I'm still trying to get the hang of it. That new site can be seen at

But anyway, that is my current obsession. So if it appears I'm ignoring this blog, well, right now I am. But I'll be back...