Thursday, March 16, 2006

Basket Case

I'm a basket case today. I'm sitting here with the "jimmy legs" big time. I'm full of nervous energy. And I do mean nervous. My nervous tics are back with a vengeance. My 7 year old said to me yesterday "Daddy! You can wiggle your ears!" And I wasn't trying to do that. My face is tense, my body is tense, and I have no real reason to feel this way. I'm wondering if a muscle relaxant, or something similar, might help this.

Karen's mother is living with us now, and Karen and I have butted heads about this several times. She says I've been a real asshole lately, and to get used to it, because her mom isn't going anywhere. I'm trying to adjust, and it's been much more difficult than I ever antipated. We have newspapers all over the house, dishes all over, dirty tissues dropped everywhere, and so forth. Also, her walker is too wide to fit through the main bathroom door and she has to use the bathroom in our room. Karen set up a portable stool in her bedroom, but that's the most disgusting thought I've ever encountered, to think she's sitting in her own bedroom letting loose. And who's cleaning up that portable stool? I guarantee my wife is. She wouldn't tell me about it, knowing I'd be upset. They moved our TV and surround sound system from our rec room to the upstairs living room, just stacked the stuff around, and pulled the chairs and couch close to the TV. We have a huge living room with all the furniture pulled to one side, and a surround sound system with all the speakers in one pile. I am so pissed about this I can't begin to express it. I try to express my feelings and am informed that I'm a jerk for not being supportive. So I try to suck it in, not say anything, and let things continue as they are. My wife would go through the rest of her life living "temporarily" like this. It just drives me fricking CRAZY. I told her that at the bare minimum we need an entertainment center for the upstairs, and another TV for down, but I doubt we'll get either. Instead, we have a TV sitting on a small bookshelf, and a sound system piled on top of itself. It sucks.

Is my irritation showing? I try to express this at home, and I'm called an ungrateful prick. I don't mind her being around, I really don't. I just don't think we should have to settle for such a drastic quality of life change for this reason. I think my wife should stand up for things more, and insist her mom pay for the necessary changes we have to make. I certainly can't say it, my opinion doesn't count here. I do know that things have to change. I can't take this forever.

That's likely one component of my anxiety, maybe ALL of my anxiety. More to discuss, but that needs to come later.


I appreciate the comments. I feel guilty for having these feelings. I've always known my mother in law would move in with us at some point, so I really don't mind having her here. She's been very good to us over the years, financially and otherwise. My wife is doing all the work caring for her, and I don't like that either. If all her time and energy is spent caring for her mother, our time is going to suffer. There's a lot of frustration right now with both of us, and mine spilled out into my blog. I wonder where my wife's is going? She tore into me the other day, there's ONE place it's going...


The Queen said...

Jon-Change is so hard. I couldn't imagine having my life uprooted like that. You are in my thoughts!!

Joel said...

This sounds like it is tough on you, like you are paying the price for having an invisible disease. Don't give up.

Joel said...

Thought: if she insists that her mother stay, then she does everything for her mother. If not, no deal. Just a suggestion.

Maggs said...

Ooooh, that's how I was 2 weeks ago! Agitated as hell!

Go run around the block and try to burn it off.

I felt like a hamster with no wheel.

Maggs said...

Oh, and I think you're handling it better than MY hubby would. : )

Jon said...

"I felt like a hamster with no wheel."

Bingo. You captured it in a single sentence.

Thanks to all for your comments.

Sharla said...

Hmmmm. How about a smaller walker?

Personally the idea of anyone moving in with ME about drives me nuts. My OWN mother stayed with me for three days a few months ago and I was so on edge I thought I was going to lose my mind. I can sort of understand how you feel.

Er- What about one of those nice assisted living places? You know, they're like hotels (not those horrible Old Folks Homes). My grandma is moving into one. She lives in her little condo but she gets to have housekeeping and she can order up food from the dining area. I think it's COOL. I want to move into one right now!

jane said...

I think right now this blog may serve you more than ever. It's a good thing to be able to unload. I can't imagine how difficult it would be having to deal with what's already on your plate PLUS an added person.
While I don't want you to feel guilty, one thing to remember:
When we're little, it's our mothers that take care of ever single need we have. As we get older, we find the roles reversing & it becomes our turn.
I think your MIL is very blessed to have you & your wife in her life.