This Is Scary

I'm only a year away from being 50 years old. What the hell happened? I still feel like I'm in my early twenties, then I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and see my father. I'm not baggin' on my Dad, he's in great shape and I'm proud of him. But that's not supposed to be me.

I used to say my hard living would kill me by the time I hit 60, and that probably would have happened had I not changed. 10 years is a snap of the fingers at this point in my life. I'm working hard to extend my life, 30 plus remaining years is probable now. But it's still sobering knowing that I'm well past the halfway point. Also sobering is knowing that, like it's been all my life, I'm still only a paycheck away from being homeless. The success that I KNEW would come never materialized. Or perhaps it did come, I didn't recognize it, and pissed it away.

On the positive side, I'm not losing everything. But I think it's hilarious irony that when a person gets to the point where they've achieved the ultimate balance of longevity, experience, and skill, their physical attractiveness makes it a moot point.

"Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now"