Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Irritability Level

My irritation level has skyrocketed. I don't know why it happens, but often when something out of the ordinary happens, my irritation level jumps. If my wife gets sick, my irritation level gets very high. In this case, my wife is not sick, but she's preoccupied with her mom, as she should be. This is feeding my irritation. It makes me feel very guilty, but I can't help it. I just try to keep my mouth shut, as the littlest thing sets me off. This started a few days ago, prior to Karen's mom getting sick, and is peaking now.

I thought since starting on Lamictal in late November this was under control. I see now it's nowhere close. In fact, I'd go so far as to say this drug has done nothing. Originally that was the best part - I didn't feel any major differences. But since being on this med I've been manic, I've been depressed, I've suffered extreme irritation. I thought I felt better earlier. I was enjoying being close to and holding my wife, and enjoyed her company more than I had in years. I interpreted that as being a positive effect of a mood stabilizer. Was that the effects of the Lamictal, or was that a placebo effect? My nervous tics are back, and have been getting more noticeable for the last 3 weeks or so. I'm sleeping less and less. I'm hating my jobs - both of them, and I've always enjoyed them in the past.

Over the last few years I have been on several meds - Zoloft, Cymbalta, Seroquel, Lamictal. Each started out with promise, then either did nothing in the longer run, or like Cymbalta or Seroquel, did way too much of the wrong things.

So one of several things could be at play here. It's possible my dosage is too low, I'm on 100 mg a day. I may be on the wrong medication. It's possible I have been misdiagnosed, and have, perhaps, borderline personality disorder, which doesn't respond to medication.

Or it's possible that I'm normal mentally, and am just an egotistical, self centered, asshole.

8 comments:

madlyme.com said...

i have bpd. it sucks. i don't think you want to go there.

Jovi's Mom said...

Jon, Can you tell us more about BPD?? The Queen:)

Jon said...

Here's a good page on BPD:

Borderline Personality Disorder

Teressa said...

I feel that if you can question if you are a egocentrical, selfish, asshole, that you aren't. Most who are don't see it in themselves or regret their role. You may need a med change. Med changes are the way of life with BP. I need to read on the BPD because I was dianosed with it in 1992 but have just ignored it mainly. I thought this was enough to deal with. Maybe I do need to learn about BPD more than I thought. Hope your son and wife, as well as the rest of the family are doing OK. God bless.

Nilla said...

I think I went through 10 or so meds before I ended up on Lithium and you do NOT want to take that. Yeah, I'm stable, but I feel like cardboard. I'm going to say I think maybe you need a dose increase. I doubt it was a placebo effect either. Tell your doc about it- that's what his butt is for.

Jacqui said...

You are so not a egocentrical, selfish, asshole! You're going through a tough time. I hate being irritable - it's the worst feeling. Have you called your pdoc to pop in for a visit? If you're thinking your med isn't working - chances are your right.

I wish you well.

Jon said...

Thanks to all for your nice comments.

Mermaid Girl said...

Hi Jon,

I have been on Epilim and am currently on Lamictal (for the past five years)...I found Epilim to be a god awful drug with horrible side effects but Lamictal has been fabulous for me.

I admire your strength Jon :)

Love
MG