Yesterday's Pdoc Visit

Visited the Pdoc yesterday. An interesting visit. He gave me several insights that made me sit up and take notice.

We discussed my medication, 100 mg of Lamictal. I told him the side effects are minimal, but the benefits were significant. I expressed my concern about long term effects, I'd hate to end up with Kidney or thyroid problems. He told me there was no evidence of that with this drug. I told him one of the major benefits is that I enjoy being affectionate with my wife. Not necessarily sexual, but I'm enjoying just holding her. I go to bed and snuggle with her every night, and I am REALLY enjoying that. He asked if things like her breathing used to irritate me, and he hit the nail on the head. Snoring, even just breathing would set me off. He said I'm more able to live just in the moment now, and enjoy my loved ones and surroundings. That has been a HUGE benefit to my medication. Also, I havn't blown up or gotten particularly manic since starting. If I can keep my explosive temper from my family it will be a HUGE factor.

We also talked about my obsessions, all my life it's been a series of obsessions. Everything I have gotten into, mostly leisure activities, I've gone about obsessively. I throw myself completely into it, or I don't do it. Currently it's computer related. He told me that's likely been a coping mechanism for many years. Instead of tolerating the ups and downs of bipolar disorder, I put on blinders and charge full speed into whatever activity is my obsession at the time. I stay pre-occupied with the activity, and don't have to deal with my personality turmoil. Once again, I think he hit the nail squarely on the head. I need to set some guidelines for myself where my computer use is concerned, and do my best to stick by them. My wife is concerned that if it's not this it will be something else - TV or another hobby. I'll have to stay cognizant of that, and ask for her help and support.

Lastly we talked about "substance" abuse. He asked me about drug use, there is none, of course. He's concerned about that as it's so prevalent among bipolars. We talked about alcohol, I told him, once again, that I don't have a problem, but out of respect to his judgement I have cut back. I told him I had wine over the holidays and did drink during the Cornhusker game and The Iguanas show following the game. He asked me about my cigar smoking (just on my hunting trip), and about coffee (cut back, but not eliminated). He wasn't concerned about any of my responses.

All in all it was a great, productive appointment for me.