Friday Shorts

My current hypomania has hit critical mass. I’m getting in great, intense, workouts, but I can’t sleep unmedicated. I’m hoping things are on the downward slide just a bit. I just hope it doesn’t go too far or too fast.

I am continuing to work on the LivingBipolar page. I love working on stuff like that, if feeds so many needs in me. Creativity, technical thinking, research, and so forth. I’ve expanded it to include news feeds and resources. I’ll be adding a link library next. Is there anything else that would make it more useful?

Kyle will be moving back in with us. I’ve just written a column about this at BipolarConnect, but it will take a week or so for them to print it. You can subscribe to my posts if you take a moment and create an account. It will be great to have him home, but I’m nervous about it. We’ve butted heads terribly in the past.

All my life I just assumed I’d never hit 65 years, thinking with my lifestyle I’d heart attack early. Now I have every intention of being active into my eighties. A book that I’d almost call life-changing is called "Younger Next Year" by Chris Crowley and Henry S. Lodge. There is a men’s and women’s version of the book. If you need motivation to get your exercise and fitness regime going, this is the book. My workouts are working, I’ve lost 20 pounds, gained size and strength, and ran 4 miles Wednesday morning. Those of us in the bipolar disorder community have to be SO careful. Our meds, while necessary for our ability to live semi-normal lives, can also exact a price. This helps counteract that price.

Did anyone watch "The Office" last night? Could there be a funnier show? A disgruntled employee sabotaged an entire shipment of paper by putting on a watermark of 2 cartoon characters in an obscene act. This paper shipped to businesses, schools, and other organizations. One of the funniest episodes ever.

I hope everyone had a great week, and will have an even better weekend!

Feeds - Detail

I’ve been asked a few questions on the feed reader I built. If you’re not into technical stuff, you don’t need to read this post. Except for the bolded text below, that’s some good information. But I live for projects like this – they keep me sane. This was a short one, just a few days. But I really need to focus and immerse myself into things like this, it’s important to my mental health.

First, a quick, high-level overview. I knew very little about feeds prior to starting this project, and I still know little about the technical side of them. All I can say is it provides a quick and simple data stream you can pull into a “reader” and display. This data may be news, basic web pages, or in this case, blogs. You may have noticed links on blogs, they may say "RSS" or "Feeds" or ""Atom". These are all methods of providing feeds for our blogs or web pages. People use these feeds in different ways, the way I used them is described above.

There are a lot of feed readers, Google Reader is a popular one. I use Google to display the news headlines on the side bar of this blog. But there are so many ways to use feeds and readers you need to look around for one that does what you want, or can be modified to do what you want. In my case, the tricky part was displaying multiple feeds in a single interface. It took me a lot of research to figure out how to do this. Somebody else may have been able to do it in minutes, but it was a learning adventure for me.

Jumping to the solution, I took all the individual feeds and combined them into an OPML file. This is a file that combines multiple feeds. I found a site that will do that for you:
http://www.feedshow.com/goodies/opml/OPMLBuilder-create-opml-from-rss-list.php
Once you have the OPML file built from your feeds, then go to Grazr and use that OPML file to build a reader widget:
http://www.grazr.com/config.html
You can configure your reader in a number of different formats or colors, and Grazr will do that for you. Once it’s configured it gives you the code to paste into your blog or webpage. That’s the basics, and it does work. Just maintain a list of feed URLs and use the method above.

But now the fun part, tweaking it to make it really usable and easily updated. If it takes too much time or it’s too much work to update, it will never be used. A few things about that process.

First, if you’re still maintaining links yourself, stop that! There are several good, free services that make it so much easier to maintain a list of blog links. And they add so much versatility to future projects just like this one. I use blogrolling, but there are several out there. Build your blogroll, they guide you right through the process. Then you can generate the code for your blog. Don’t stop reading when I say code! Go to Blogger, Layout, and add a page element. Select HTML/Java Script and paste in your code. Drag the page element where you want it, and you’re done managing links in Blogger forever. For the ultimate in ease, add a toolbar button to your browser that you merely click to add a link to your blog. Blogrolling will show you how to do that also. OK, those not desiring additional tech information can stop reading now. But the point of this sidebar, If you have a place you can upload and store an OPML file online, and if you create a blogroll of feeds, you’ve cut way back on your maintenance time. Once you have a blogroll of feeds (not basic urls), you can export that blogroll to an OPML file. Blogrolling calls it "backing up", but it’s the same thing. With Blogrolling I have to manually edit that OPML file a bit. On each line you change:
type="link"
to:
type="rss"
and :
url=
to:
xmlUrl
In your html or text editor you just do a replace with the information above, and it’s done in a second, even if you have hundreds of feeds. Then you have a working OPML file.

Note to Suni: If you add a title to the feed when adding it to blogrolling, the title pulls into the feed. Otherwise you can manually edit the OPML file to add the blog title in the “text” portion of the feed line. But I don’t know how to tell you to do that unless you are storing your own OPML file. I don’t think the feedshow link above does that for you.

Then, as described above, use the grazr widget builder to build your widget using the url of the OPML file you’ve built. If you want to change anything, you merely change the OPML file you have stored, and the changes immediately pull into your feed reader.

Clear as mud, huh?

Oh, and the design is a template I downloaded and slightly customized. I don’t have the patience to set up the CSS to do design from ground up. I’m still adding to and tweaking the basic site.

Next step: Adding different feed readers for resources, and maybe other categories as well. Also, the email for updated blogs as described in the previous post.

Any suggestions anyone may have? I’d like to hear other ideas and suggestions.

Check Out This Blog-Reader

I've been playing around with feeds, and came up with this. Check it out:

Feed Reader

Think about it - how much all our traffic could increase if people could go to one location to see an entire blogroll of blogs? If they see something they like they click through to the blog. This isn't perfect, I'd like to display blog titles instead of just URLs, and I can't figure out why it displays some URLs and not others, some pictures, and so forth.

Next - a daily email showing all updated blogs that people can opt-in to receive. This opens things up to people who may be intimidated by navigating their way to blogs.

Thoughts?

Hypomania

I haven't slept normally for weeks now. I get about 4 hours a night - the length of time my Ambien seems to work. Unassisted, I'd be up for days. This crash may be a tough one...

Life Insurance

Foolishly, years ago I cashed in all of my life insurance when I purchased a business. I needed money badly, and I could always purchase later, right? Well, later is now. Since then, however, I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and things have changed.

I'm looking for any information I can get. I spent an hour Googling the topic, and find very little information. I saw one site that said it's possible to get coverage if you're stable and med compliant. But how do they verify that? Do you roll the dice and see if I'm approved? If I apply with one company and am denied, that is a factor with other companies. It's a question on applications, if you've been denied.

Does anyone have experience with this? Or any ideas where to look for more information?

The Bipolar Advantage

I just received a copy of Tom Wootton's book "The Bipolar Advantage". Before I could even open it my wife snatched if from me and began to read it. To make things worse, she started reading me quotes. She finished it, and I have finally claimed it. This is a great book, and I recommend it to all.

Thanks to the author, and to Jane, for bringing this to the bipolar community.

Another Song

I'm loving this embedded music stuff, so I'm going to indulge myself again.

After 2 slower, subtle, introspective songs, it's time for in-your-face.

"Cracker" is one of my favorite bands, and "Kerosene Hat" is probably my favorite Cracker album. You'd all recognize songs off the album, "Low", "Get Off This", and "Euro-Trash Girl" are well known. This song is anything but subtle, and it's what I need today to kickstart myself back into the mainstream.

mog.com

More about this song

Share

Catching Up

I'm home sick today with stomach flu. It's been over 10 years since I've had this stuff, and I hope it's at LEAST another 10.

Somebody asked me about posting songs in blogger, like I did a few posts ago. It's pretty simple, but takes another membership.

Mog.com is a music blog that allows you to upload songs or videos. It's a free account, and an interesting community. Very easy to signup and navigate. You upload your mp3, and it embeds a player in your post. You then click "Share" in your post, and it gives you the code you can paste into Blogger. Pretty simple.

Today I'll share another one of my favorites. Another slower, insightful song by one of my favorite singer-songwriters named Paul Thorn. If you're a baby-boomer this song may just strike a chord with you like it did with me.

mog.com

More about this song

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Thinking Blogger Award

ariadneK, Ph.D. from Weird Cake has nominated me for a Thinking Blogger Award. Under the terms of this award I need to list 5 blogs that make me think.

I'm flattered, but to list only 5 blogs means I'll leave out 40 plus - all the rest of the links in my blogroll. I truly don't want any of my friends left out. So let's see what I can figure out...

First is a new (to me) blogger: Soulful Sepulcher. Check out Stephany's blog and tell her I sent you.

Next has to be Anonymous Mom at Tenuous At Best. She is struggling through so much of what my wife and I did with Kyle. It brings back memories, some positive, some negative.

Third would be a big-name blogger Liz Spikol at The Trouble With Spikol. A thought provoking blog.

Fourth would be psychiatric professional, Charlie, at Symptom Space. Some great information to be found there.

Final would be Anxiety, Addiction and Depression Treatments. Another site with excellent, professional, information.

For those nominated, if you want to participate, nominate 5 bloggers, link to the originator's post, and proudly display the Thinking Blogger certificate.

BipolarConnect

I've posted many times about BipolarConnect.com, a community built around bipolar disorder. I've been blogging there for about a year, my shareposts can be found at GJ Gregory's Shareposts. I go by GJ there, as there was already a John posting there, the well known bipolar activist John McManamy.

This is very cool way to interact with others, much like we do in the blog world. But unlike the blog world, no technical knowledge is needed. The community is very easy to explore, and very accessible. I encourage everyone to hop on over there, register, create a profile, and participate. If nothing else, leave a comment and let them know you're reading my posts.

For those afflicted with bipolar disorder, or those touched by it in any way, an active community awaits.

Let’s Run This Up The Flagpole

Would an annual "convention" of bipolar disorder bloggers be feasible or desirable? A way we could get together socially, therapeutically, and professionally? Maggs (I think), used to host a get-together a couple of years ago, and it sounds like they had fun.

Actually, "convention" implies a very structured event, and I don’t envision that, at least at this point. "Get-together" implies a very loose event, and I don’t envision that either. I’d like a way to bring people together, for a day or two at the most, with enough structure to keep people from staring at each other all day, but enough free time so we can get to know each other. I would envision round-tables on important topics, workshops, support groups, and perhaps even speakers. All put together by us, using our talents and resources.

This could be an aggressive, structured undertaking, or it could be a handwritten agenda in a spiral notebook. It all depends on how many of us are interested. If there’s 6 people interested, we get together in a motel coffee shop at a central location we can agree on. If there’s a hundred interested, we look for a hotel with a meeting room. This wouldn’t be limited to bipolar bloggers, I know we have hundreds of people out there that read our blogs and never comment. We have caregivers, health professionals, social workers. Anyone would be encouraged to come. If we get enough people we’ll attract corporate attention and sponsorship assistance.

Now I know what you’re all thinking, and yes, I am hypomanic. But this sounds like something that would not only be fun, but helpful as well.

Thoughts?

Embedded Music

I found a way to embed mp3 files. So instead of just posting lyrics I can post complete music files.

Not that this has anything to do with bipolar, but I heard this the other night and just had to buy it. It's an obscure song, only appearing on an album of otherwise unreleased songs called "Rarities". Bright Eyes is from my hometown, and when they come back you can find them playing very small venues in town. That's kind of cool, to have a world-class band playing in a small club or bar.

mog.com

More about this song

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An Open Letter to Employers, Friends, Acquaintances, and Relatives

This is an open note to anyone reading this who may know me personally. While this is not a blog about bipolar disorder, it is a frequent theme. With respect to that theme, here are some things that need to be said.

In me you have a stellar employee/friend/relative, possessing the traits of many with bipolar disorder, such as intelligence, high energy level, motivation, drive, and creativity. What made me attractive as an employee or friend is, to a large extent, due to my particular manifestation of this disorder. I wish to stress that bipolar disorder IN NO WAY impacts my performance or ability to perform any of the responsibilities of my current, or any future position. In fact I’d argue that the traits I possess put me head and shoulders above the rest of the pack.

Bipolar disorder affects everyone differently, so another's symptoms should not be applied to me, and vice versa. My manifestation could be radically different from another's. Should you have any cause for concern about myself and bipolar disorder, I ask that you discuss it with me. If you have any questions or comments, or want to ask me questions or tell me stories about others you know with bipolar disorder, don’t hesitate to talk to me. I welcome an opportunity to discuss this honestly and openly with anyone who takes the time to ask. But do me the courtesy of approaching me directly. I’m not keeping any secrets, but the amount of disinformation about bipolar disorder makes me want to ensure that if any story is given, the ENTIRE story is given.

As to the personal journal aspect of this, it is as therapeutic to me as a personal journal is to anyone who keeps one. This is NOT a bipolar thing, this is a human thing. Any of the personal thoughts expressed have likely been experienced by most people, and it helps to put them "on paper". Knowing what I’ve experienced in the past helps me to plan for, and know what to expect in the future. In the words of George Harrison, "If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there."

Finally, I don’t want anyone to wonder if this page is directed at them. The answer is absolutely not, I am not asking anyone to stop reading. It was just time to make this announcement.

Google's Free Broadband Internet

Today, April 1, Google announced their new, FREE, broadband internet access.

Go here - http://www.google.com/tisp/ for more information.

Vertigo

Has anyone suffered from vertigo? Can you offer any words of advice?

I woke up this morning so dizzy I couldn't walk without supporting myself. I went to the doc, he diagnosed vertigo, and prescribed something like Myclizine.

It's sad to say I used to spend good money to feel like this. I just want my head to stop spinning right now.

Friday Shorts

Every time I mention my son Kyle, I feel the need to say "my 22 year old bipolar son". Well, it’s time I stop saying that. He’s a pretty special kid, and I don’t want to define him in this manner. I don’t like being defined that way myself. Of course, I’m guilty of putting myself in that box…

My wife talked to Kyle’s girlfriend tonight. They have a good relationship, my wife has a good relationship with everyone. Just be a real person and you’ll connect with my wife. But neither of them has heard from Kyle for a while, and they commiserated a bit. My wife got off the phone in tears, and said to me "I miss him". I do too. With a little luck he’ll be back around this weekend. The times he disappears are nerve-wracking.

Because it’s a "bipolar" blog, we come to the requisite "frame of mind" part. I’m cycling very rapidly, and I hate it. Fighting depression last night, I was manic yesterday. Right now I’m an even-keeled "blah". I’m bouncing liked a yo-yo. I come home from work, look around the house and the yard and get so overwhelmed by everything that has to be done I can’t handle it. At least I’m handling my heavy load at work OK.

My youngest daughter, Sweetness, has been having nightmares. She is dreaming her new pet bunny "Lilly" dies. She wakes up just sobbing. You should see her with that bunny. She reads to the bunny every day, plays with her all the time, and is really enjoying her. I have to admit that animal is very loving. She’ll jump into my wife’s lap and nuzzle her arm until she’s petted. I’ll take some pictures and post them.

Is society getting more polite, or am I looking old? I’m referred to as "sir" more and more often these days. Maybe it’s the salt and pepper hair, but whatever it is, I don’t like it. My grandfather was "Sir". I’m Jon. Oh well, I might as well get used to it, I’m not getting any younger.

Went to the doc today. After waking up very dizzy, and having pain behind my eyes the last few days I suspected a sinus infection. They didn’t think so, and wrote me scripts for anti-vertigo medication, and an anti-biotic "just in case". But the point of this, they took my blood pressure. I’ve always had high blood pressure, ever since I was in my teens. Never quite so bad they’d force me on medication, but high. Well, they took my bp today: 108 over 78. "Sir" my ass.

Now from the "too much information" category: At the gym locker room the other day, an overweight, balding, 50 + man was standing there with a hair brush blow-drying his pubes. I wasn’t sure whether to be nauseated or amused. I chose amused.

I’ll close with some introspection: In another 40 years (I’m pretty optimistic these days), am I going to be glad I embraced the pharmacological method of treating this disorder? Will the decreased motivation, semi-significant memory loss, lower sexual drive, and diminished creativity be offset by my family’s increased happiness and quality of life? As of now, I think so.

In the words of the immortal Sgt Esterhaus, "Let’s be careful out there".

The Marketing of 'Wristcutters: A Love Story'

From Mental Health America, via Liz Spikol's blog.

Dear friends,

We need your help. AfterDark Films plans to release a Lionsgate Entertainment movie this summer called Wristcutters: A Love Story. The film premiered at the Sundance Film Festival last year to some acclaim. Mental Health America and its national partners have not yet been able to view the film and cannot yet share any detail on the content.

This month, however, AfterDark will launch an alarming “shock and awe” advertising campaign featuring cutouts of the movie characters in the states in which they kill themselves (e.g., jumping off bridges and electrocuting and hanging themselves). These signs will hang from telephone poles and trees in communities nationwide.

Interestingly enough, recent outrage around the advertising campaign of another one of the companies’ films, Captivity, forced AfterDark to remove billboards that showed graphic images of women, being kidnapped, confined, tortured and killed.

Go to The Trouble With Spikol for information on how you can contact AfterDark and try to stop this highly offensive Wristcutters' marketing blitz.

Friday Shorts

Kyle is my 22 year old son who also suffers from bipolar disorder. Since we paid him for cleaning our carpets over a week ago, he’s been gone. How his girlfriend puts up with it is beyond me. But we just heard rumors that one of his good “friends” had someone OD in his apartment, and is facing criminal charges over that death. We were worried that Kyle was there when it happened, but luckily, it sounds like he wasn’t. He has an appointment to make his application for General Assistance on Tuesday, hopefully we’ll be able to track him down by then.

While I know this is of no interest to anyone else, I’m excited about it so I’m going to brag. After 25 years without a serious workout regime I started working out 3 months ago. This morning I ran 3 miles! Even in the peak of my fitness, my teens, I wasn’t able to run 3 miles. I was pretty fast back then, but wasn’t a distance runner. I love to run, and I’m really fired up about this. I can’t run often, the pounding on my knees is painful, and is physically hard on someone my age. Given this I only run once a week or two, and use an elliptical trainer or bike machine most days. My goal is to run a 5 K race this spring, and it looks like I’ll make it. Also, I broke 195 on my weight! As of this morning, I was at 194.5. The weight is coming off very slowly, less than a pound a week, but it is coming off. Target weight: 185. Dream weight: 175. My weight in college: 165.

My frame of mind isn’t a lot better. I’m not really manic any more, more of a mixed episode. I’m slipping between depression and hypomania right now. At least I’m more or less free of the mania I had recently. That was awful.

The work situation is difficult, and that is contributing to my marginal frame of mind. Last summer I left a salaried job I enjoyed to move to a competitor through a consulting company. I was to be a consultant for 3 months, then if my performance was good I’d be hired on permanently. My performance was good, but right after I started the competitor announced a merger. All hiring, of course, was frozen. After the initial 3 months it’s been a series of month to month extensions. Finally they told me they’d like a 6 month contract then evaluate the situation at that time. Well, I don’t like this at all. I have to admit, as a contractor I’m making more money than I’ve ever made. BUT: My expenses are much higher. My family is not covered by insurance, and I’ve already paid several thousand dollars out of pocket for medical emergencies. I have to tell the family we can’t take a vacation this summer because the consulting company doesn’t offer vacation time. Because of medical bills I can’t make several necessary household repairs that must be done. Damn, I hate money problems, and I hate instability.

My girls have been begging for a pet. They’re in the unfortunate position of being the 4th and 5th of our kids. We’ve done the pet thing, many times in the past, many different critters, and have no desire to do it again. My youngest daughter has been writing stories about little girls and pets, not to get us to buy one, but because that’s what was in her heart. Well, through their persistence and downright cuteness, they won out. We now have a black and white bunny named "Lilly". It’s hardly left the arms of the girls since then.

Well, enough for now. I’m going to try to make it around to everyone’s blogs this weekend, hopefully my frame of mind will allow it.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Lyrics Blogging

I've said many times that music for me is that art of choice, that thing that brings me pleasure no matter my mood.

I often gravitate towards music that has a bipolar aspect, or tortured musician aspect, or song subjects that indicate bipolar or other mental disorder. I love Billie Holliday, Janis Joplin, Charlie Parker, Hank Williams Sr, Kurt Cobain, and similar musicians. I dig songs that have a bipolar theme.

One of my favorite singer / songwriters is a guy named Dave Alvin. Dave has done it all, was a major innovator of rockabilly music in the late seventies and eighties, played with one of the earliest and most influential US punk bands in the eighties, and has written and played virtually every musical genre since then. Dave recorded a song a few years ago that captures a bipolar frame of mind. It’s called “Out Of Control”.

I suppose this clicks as all my life I’ve been a little “out of control”. Pushing the limits, living recklessly, not caring that at any time a misstep could bring the world crashing down. I’ve thrown away opportunities, missed fortunes due to stupid decisions, and been lucky to have walked the tightrope and made it to where I am today.

In honor of that, here’s the lyrics to Dave’s song “Out Of Control”.

Dave Alvin
Out Of Control
Album: Ashgrove
(Blue Horn Toad Music, BMI)

I scored some speed in San Berdino
So me and baby could get a little bump
And now she’s in that motel room
Puttin’ on a show for some chump
Yeah, well baby’s gotta make a livin’
And I don’t mind waitin’ out in the car
‘Cause I got some nine millimeter muscle
In case things go too far.

You know I try to take it easy man
And just go with the flow
But sometimes things can get a little bit
Out of control.

Well my old man worked his whole life
In the Kaiser steel slag pit
And I worked there for awhile back when I was a kid
But I got tired of all their shit
But that was years ago man
Before they tore that Fontana plant down
And my old man smoked himself
Into a six-foot hole in the ground.

And I got the same bad habit
And it’ll probably take its toll
But sometimes it’s the only thing that keeps me
From goin’ out of control.

Well my ex-wife’s workin’ evenings
At a Sizzler makin’ minimum wage
And she’s cleanin’ up other people’s houses
Every day just like some slave
She’s livin’ with the kids in a mobile home
Just off the 60 freeway
Some nights I go to see her
And sometimes she lets me stay.

Since she found Jesus
She’s always tryin’ to save my soul
Yeah but every now and then she still likes to get
A little out of control.

I used to work a little construction
But I never got along with my boss
So I do a little import/export
Makin’ enough just to cover my costs
And I’m losin’ my hair and I’m losin’ my teeth
But I’m tryin’ to keep my grip
And live to see one more day
Without makin’ any stupid slips.

You know I could have played the game man
And just done what I was told
But I guess I was born just a little bit
Out of control.

When baby gets done in there I’m gonna
Take her for a little ride
Cruise up into the mountains
Park the car and get a little high
‘Cause baby likes to look at the shootin’ stars
And make wishes as they fly by
And I like lookin’ down at the city
From way up there in the sky.

Then I pull baby close to me
When it starts gettin’ cold
Close my eyes for a little while and let the world
Spin out of control.

Reaction To Coulter's Slur Hints At Shift In View Of Gays

Reaction to Coulter's slur hints at shift in view of gays

Coulter's recent labeling of presidential candidate John Edwards as a "faggot," however, has triggered a huge response, including a campaign initiated today by a gay rights group and media watchdog to persuade mainstream media outlets to dump her for good.

At least four newspapers have dropped Coulter's syndicated column, and 40,000 people signed an online petition to Universal Press Syndicate, which distributes her column, demanding that it release her. Three corporations, including Verizon, stopped advertising on Coulter's Web site after she made the comment.

I normally don't like to get political on this blog, but I really can't stand Ann Coulter. If I wanted to stoop to that level there's a few labels I'd hang on her.