Had a chance to sit down with Kyle last night. He tried to justify missing his counseling appointment by saying the counselor is an idiot. We've heard this about every professional we've ever taken him to. He gave an example of saying he can't sleep. The counselor says, in an excruciatingly slow voice, "Many people with your condition suffer from this. You might try, um, say, reading a book?" To be fair to Kyle, I can understand how this would set him off. He is brilliant, and I'm sure he knows as much about his condition, and very possibly more, than the counselor. We convinced him to continue to go, but I can see the time coming where he gets bored and starts playing games with the counselor.
As far as meds, he gave us several reasons he wouldn't take meds. I ended up telling him of my youth, and how I lost jobs, and did things that sabotaged careers. That several former peers from one job stayed together while I got bored and had to make a change, and they are all retired now in their mid forties to fifties. I told him how, had I been diagnosed and properly medicated, my life could have been SO much easier. He wants to find a job, and the stress of that single task, the pressure of walking into Starbucks and asking them for a job drives him into a manic state. I tried to show him how he's going about this backwards. Get on the right med, and everything else in life becomes easier. I don't know if I got through to him, but I did see him take his first Risperdal(?). We'll see if it continues.
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Sat Down With Kyle
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6 comments:
"I Am Not Sick; I Don't Need Help," by Xavier Amador...goal-centered strategies for situations such as this. You're doing great with what you've been given, I think.
I fired four t-docs until I found one I love. He is awesome and has helped me immensley. It's just finding the right match.
Thanks for the input. Belinda, I'll look for the book.
Maggs - he doesn't have much choice. He has no job, no insurance, no money. He did find a Lutheran charity that is providing his counseling.
Well what can I say nothing helpful I guess Im no better than your son. I know I am Bi-polar and have for years. I realize I should be able to sleep at night and people are some times just scared of me. I mean you can tell me Im wrong but then run. Its not that Im mean or anger I am just hurt easy. I addmitt Im lost inside alot of the time. But all I know is me and when I eat pill after pill I become numb and lose all I know. I guess thats the point but I lose me. Id rather feel to much that nothing at all.
I also wanted to add its late and I maybe a bit sloppy but I feel a need to say a bit more.To go to doctor after doctor its hard not to feel like your illness. I hate the way Im not me Im my illness. Plus I know more about my illness. I even lie my way thourgh my app. I stopped taking meds abit ago and no one realizes my mother does because I talk to her but other wise my doctors dont realize and my boss didnt know I was sick in frist place. I've become good at pretending to be normal and happy yet I have to face the truth inside. Some close to me see it when things get bad but I can control most of it know I never could when I was younger, I hurt me and everyone else. Yes every doctor and many others should say I need to be on drugs, but I must say after just admitting life was harder for me than most (in my head anyways.) I am able to control it by forcing myself to see what is normal and do so. Yes I cry, hide, and get hurt I dont scream and yell at people or in public. I no longer hurt my self or others. I tell myself Im being childish and stupid when I feel hopeless or that life would be easier of my family with out me in it. Well Ive said to much already. BUt I want to say one last thing half our country is on one med or another when do we just face the fact we are who we are. There is a drug for everyone and every thing yet being drug free is what we are taught as children. So many self medicate on weed or booze or what else is there. Some time I get it because its hard to just wake up get out of bed and work. Hell its 3:30 in the morning and I can't sleep and have work in 6 hours but I have no choice but to be me be strong and keep living.
In your comments you have captured how I have felt so many times.
I can't say much other than the RIGHT med will make a huge difference. Don't give up, and don't let them force meds on you that aren't the right one for you. Keep searching, it can be time consuming, but with the right one life becomes so much easier.
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